Pretty Little Cracks & Beautiful Bruises

“I don’t like that man; I must get to know him better… the best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend.”            ~Abraham Lincoln

      
     I find that it is easy to play the ‘blame-game’; that is, explaining away people’s behavior as a reflection of who they are rather than as a product of their situations. In psychology, we call this the ‘Fundamental Attribution Error’. In Christian lingo, this plays a part in what ‘Amazing Grace’ is all about.

      Inevitably, the time came for me to eat my words. I was put into a position where I had to make a choice; either paint a picture of my antagonist as an inherently terrible person ‘out to get me’, or as another human being who’s decisions were influenced by several different factors. For the sake of simplicity, let’s call him/her Jordan.

     Let me be clear, this does NOT absolve Jordan of taking responsibility for his/her actions.

Now for where my big epiphany came in...

     After lots of prayer, anger, grief, confusion, endless questions and even fear; I came face to face with the fact that there are no bad people, just (really) bad decisions.

      So yes, good people are capable of doing bad/hurtful things, and that in turn doesn't necessarily make them bad people. In fact, I am very capable and guilty of being the'bad person' myself. 

     In my experience, that concept is a really tough pill to swallow in the moment when YOU'RE the victim; but it allowed me to understand and forgive those who had hurt me terribly. I am not saying that the wounds on your heart will be instantaneously healed; forgiveness just allows those cracks and scars that you walk around with, the opportunity to start healing instead of festering.

Consider this, the skin where a scar has healed always seems to be stronger; doesn't it?

You WILL be okay.

“He found him in the desert and in the wasteland, a howling wilderness; He encircled him, He instructed him, He kept him as the apple of His eye.” -Deuteronomy 32:10 NKJV

Lots of Love,

-Emma    xoxo

The Little Day Thieves

       “I can feel guilty about the past, apprehensive about the future, but only in the present can I act. The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.”

-Abraham H. Maslow

      There is much to be said about living in the present, but what about when you’re having a tricky time over a trivial trial? How do you keep yourself grounded in the present?  I know from experience that in the moment, trivial things can quite easily ‘get to you’ by causing intense emotions, and possibly anxious feelings. I’m guilty of letting those trivialities spoil my entire day.

       Here is what I found helped me; hopefully it will do the same for you. This is my logic: God gave you this day to do HIS work, right? So with that in mind, we need to walk in the assurance that right now, we are a small part of a very big picture, regardless, still very much cherished by God.

      Understanding that God is the great orchestrator, he can do anything and cares very much about how you are feeling in the moment since he loves you so much. With that said, He wants to help you, and will – if you are bold enough to ask for it. Trusting the great orchestrator, I found the burden of the moment lifted.

       In tricky and rather trivial situations/matters that were made a ‘big deal’, I try to remember to lay down my pride as well as act gracefully and sincerely. In this manner, I do what I must to make it right on my end. After that, the ball is in the other person’s court.  Leave it to God to work in their hearts and yours, since he knows what both you need better that you know yourselves.

      Recently, God reminded me of this question, “In fifty years, will this matter?” So I ask you a related question. Is this trivial matter worth a day of your happiness?

Do yourself a favor, discipline the little day thieves.

“To be happy, we must not be too concerned with others”.   –Albert Camus

Lots of Love,

Emma  xoxo

Amazing Grace. I think THIS is what love looks like.

"Because there's nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it is sent away."
~Sarah Kay

Dear Papa,
Please continue to reveal your love and faithfulness to me. Help me to lay my pride down yet again in order to don a garment of meekness in order to best serve and grow in relationship with you.

Lots of love,
Emma

Inspiration

“Dear Child of God, I write these words because we all experience sadness, we all come at times to despair, and we all lose hope that the suffering in our lives and in the world will ever end. I want to share with you my faith and my understanding that this suffering can be transformed and redeemed. There is no such thing as a totally hopeless case. Our God is an expert at dealing with chaos, with brokenness, with all the worst that we can imagine. God created order out of disorder, cosmos out of chaos, and God can do so always, can do so now--in our personal lives and in our lives as nations, globally. ... Indeed, God is transforming the world now--through us--because God loves us.”


― Desmond Tutu, God Has a Dream: A Vision of Hope for Our Time

The Power of a Promise

"Her heart was a secret garden and the walls were very high. "I loved once" Buttercup said after a moment, "It worked out badly"." -The Princess Bride

    
   "Is this what sadness is all about? Is this what comes over us when beautiful memories shatter in hindsight because the remembered happiness fed not just on actual circumstances but on a promise that was not kept?"
 ~ Bernhard Schlink, The Reader


      I wonder if our disappointments for the most part are caused by broken promises. For Buttercup, Westley left (regardless of the reasons...I won't spoil the movie). 

        So here's my question to you; Do we fall into helpless infatuation, dare to dream big, as well as love based on dreams and (un)spoken promises? (you know... The promises that are implied, assumed, or were 'never confirmed' - yeah, the ones that are easy to wiggle out of for whatever the reason). 

      What happens when what you hope for is dashed in some way?

    Oddly enough, in order to protect myself from getting my hopes up dangerously high, I sometimes adopt the mindset that if I stubbornly chose not to believe anything - I can effectively lock my heart away for safe keeping. Sadly enough, I find I can go as far as doubting the degree of affection someone has for me. 
 (consider the saying 'taking it with a grain of salt' where I sometimes think I've forgotten to put the lid back on the shaker.
Just keep dumping on the salt, honey. Shrivel up that hopeful potential - you won't get disappointed then.)
 Arguably, all this might be worse than having my heart broken.
Consider the words of C.S. Lewis:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves 


       Holy crow, what a paradoxical life we live in. It appears that it has the nature of a double edged sword; Damned if you do and damned if you don't (pardon my French).

      God, because its no good to live in the past and fret too much about the future, I place my heart in your hands. You are the only one who never fails. Papa, you keep all your promises, so help me to follow that example even if others don't think it's important - I know that you beg to differ.

 "God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?" - Numbers 23:19

     Papa, please help me to make wise decisions and pick friends that I can trust in that very same manor. Help me to bravely continue to trust and open my heart to others even when I have been hurt; because courage is just as much about getting up and trying again when you are or have been weak, broken, and disappointed.

Lots of love, Emma xoxo

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, ..."-Psalm 91:1-16

Serendipity : A Perfectly Perfect Accident

“A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word 'darkness' on the walls of his cell.” -C.S. Lewis, The Problem Of Pain

        

“Scientists are slowly waking up to an inconvenient truth - the universe looks suspiciously like a fix. The issue concerns the very laws of nature themselves. For 40 years, physicists and cosmologists have been quietly collecting examples of all too convenient "coincidences" and special features in the underlying laws of the universe that seem to be necessary in order for life, and hence conscious beings, to exist. Change any one of them and the consequences would be lethal. Fred Hoyle, the distinguished cosmologist, once said it was as if "a super-intellect has monkeyed with physics".

       To see the problem, imagine playing God with the cosmos. Before you is a designer machine that lets you tinker with the basics of physics. Twiddle this knob and you make all electrons a bit lighter, twiddle that one and you make gravity a bit stronger, and so on. It happens that you need to set thirty something knobs to fully describe the world about us. The crucial point is that some of those metaphorical knobs must be tuned very precisely, or the universe would be sterile.
.
       Example: neutrons are just a tad heavier than protons. If it were the other way around, atoms couldn't exist, because all the protons in the universe would have decayed into neutrons shortly after the big bang. No protons, then no atomic nucleuses and no atoms. No atoms, no chemistry, no life. Like Baby Bear's porridge in the story of Goldilocks, the universe seems to be just right for life.”
― Paul Davies

I have purpose. You have purpose. He has purpose. Humor me for a second, what were the odds out of the several times conception could have occured to your parents (ew!), and the millions of combinations of sperm and egg that could have been... YOU are a miracle. That's right; YOU are a miracle.

Lots of Love, Emma xoxo

The Curse Of The Proud Man

"Proud men are cursed. Proud men endure the curse of never having friends; not in prosperity, because they know nobody; not in adversity, because then nobody knows them." – John Whitecross in “Anecdotes illustrative of the old testament”.(Sequel to “The Ones That Listen Are The Ones That Glisten”)

       Now, there’s a difference between having self-worth and having pride. It was explained one day to me as this. 'Good Pride' (more accurately described as self-esteem and self-worth) is akin to dignity and the other as being above or better than someone else. Today I want to talk about the bad kind of pride.
 

“A [bad pride] proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.”
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

         It is a sensitive topic to me because I think that I have a ‘healthy streak’ myself. A behaviorist would argue that it was due to the influence of my socio-cultural surroundings (my Spanish family); Freudian thought would explain it as a subconscious adoption of  perhaps repressed childhood experiences; The biological and cognitive perspective as well as Lady Gaga would say I was born that way. Maybe it’s a compilation. 

Anyways who really knows/cares, there’s your trivia for the day. Haha.

       I think to a certain extent, everybody has a bit of good and bad pride. Now that’s fine, but too much of a bad thing can start to bleed into your life (think of the river that god turned to blood. All the fish died). Consider this, how do you feel when you get told off by someone younger than you? That smartass. What happens when that ‘young pup’ becomes your boss and tells you what to do? The world says that you are justified in feeling resentful;  but it isn’t really helping you is it?

      On the flip side, your new boss might be the sweetest, generous and most well-intentioned person ever – but you wouldn’t care to know that would you?

      Let’s continue with that example shall we? Okay, so – now that you think your boss is some smart ass young pup – meaning that to one degree or another you view yourself as more deserving, experienced and/or in overall of a  higher caliber, you aren’t really interested in what this guy/girl has to say. Thoughts like, “I already knew that”, “That’s a stupid idea”, or “S/He’s so naïve” race through your head at staff meetings. In my eyes, you’re not allowing yourself to grow and learn now are you?

      So, your buddy gets along well with your new boss – That backstabber. Let’s call him JOE. Joe goes to your new boss’ wedding, rubs shoulders with important people, is HAPPY, and in due time proves himself worthy of a promotion. You are just as qualified as Joe, but your boss knows and trusts Joe more. (Getting close to people for the wrong reason is an entirely different topic; let’s assume he is well – intentioned for the sake of this example)

      5 years later: You are still drinking the crummy staff room coffee, that used to taste better when Joe drank it with you and complaining about your not-so-new boss. You feel weirdly inadequate and a bit young around Joe – so you don’t talk anymore. He kinda makes you feel bad about yourself… a sad thing is, you may never admit it, nor will you apologize for proudly cutting him out of your life. (on another note, don't underestimate the power of a good apology)

“It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose that someone you love with your useless pride.”
― John Ruskin

        Anyways, looking at this story, oh boy, have you grown up.

       So, to summarize this piece, bad pride makes you not open to ideas or input (especially if you are always right…), it deteriorates/prevents your pre-existing relationships from being lasting and meaningful, keeps you from meeting people you can learn and grow from, and inhibits your capacity for wisdom. Just this PERFECT blogger’s opinion (and her PERFECT Grandma’s too).

      Papa, knowing what I have seen about the curse of pride, please help me to be a humble servant, both to you and those around me.Help me to be a daughter who can honor you because I open my ears and keep a receptive heart. Most importantly Papa, walk with me when I have to open my heart and be vulnerable in order to do one of the hardest things; apologize, and forgive myself in order to move on changed. Amen.
 

Lots of Love, Emma xoxo

“Proud people breed sad sorrows for themselves.”
― Emily Brontë

Split Down The Middle: The Head & The Heart Collide

          "The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and let it come in. Let it come in. We think we don't deserve love, we think if we let it in, we'll become too soft. But a wise man named Levin said it right. He said, "Love is the only rational act." -Mitch Albom -Tuesdays with Morrie

    
          I think we've all heard the saying that "things are often easier said than done". So... what is it about 'risky' decisions, situations and people that so often can wreck a few days and nights for us?
    
          Could someone please explain why we wander the desert desperately seeking an oasis, only upon  arrival to venture out into the desert again? Logically, why leave? Perhaps your heart compelled you to, or maybe you just couldn't stay complacent. There are explanations six ways to Sunday why and all I can really say is that the answer varies from one individual to the next.
       
             Whether it is friends who make you feel like a part of something, a group / team, a difficult decision you need to make (ex: college, children, marriage, or quitting a habit - however benign), or a love interest; I see the the head and heart collide time and time again. The answer seems simple, all we need to do is find a balance... Right?
      
           Problem: How do we find balance? How do we make that tough decision.? How do we know that what he have chosen is actually the right thing? Is it solely the gut instinct or is it the logical choice? 

     All I can offer is to let your heart be your compass. One way or another, God will let you know what is good and right in His own, tailor-made way; since he only wants the best for His children.
    
          I won't pretend to know the magical formula, and I doubt that I ever will, but I find comfort in knowing that if all else fails, God knows you through and through. He'll help you; just be brave enough to ask for the 'big things' and expect an answer.
  
        With that said, I'll draw near to Him and as he steers me with people, occurrences, dreams and convictions, I know and crave the peace that only He can give.

Lots of Love, Emma
xoxo
 

           "Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident." 

-Saint Augustine

Mirror Mirror

 “As if you were on fire from within.
The moon lives in the lining of your skin.”  ~ Pablo Neruda 

 Mirror, mirror on the wall, is what's inside really pretty at all? 

  

  Poor Queenie, I wonder what made her so cold, she was obviously not getting her fill even though she practically had it all. Consequentially, Snow White really suffered for it too.

   

     Today I was thinking about vanity and trophies - whatever those may be to you (compliments, financial success, academic recognition,attention from the opposite sex...) Whether or not I like it - I admit that I have been sold to the world on several occasions. In this entry, i want to go into the 'why' a little bit.

     
          Here's the thing, there's a passage in Matthew 6:24 that goes:

 "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."
     
       The Papa (shack reference) who loves me and has been so faithful to me doesn't deserve to be treated as less than a friend of mine - he deserves more than that in the way i can only best describe as that of of a lover, husband, and devoted father. And for not doing so, I am immeasurably sorry.
    
       It has been said time and time again that exterior beauty is going to fade, so will the temptations of this world (refer to what i said about trophies). I think we've been a bit de-sentitized to what that really means.

      The pain of whatever dulled you to His divine love (in all the ways he expresses it) in the first place will also fade; it'll even heal if you surrender it to Jesus.

      So; are the trophies filling the void? Are they making the cut? Who else is suffering because of your inner/outer conflicts? You still browsing that proverbial mall? (whole new meaning to 'shopping therapy' there huh?)

     Today I resolve to stop looking for the insufficent 'healing' of this world and start receiving the resorative powers of new love and new life. Jesus please restore my heart to experience the thrill of 'first love' in a relationship with you.

Thoughtfully and truthfully yours,
Emma  xox

My beautiful friend Sam.

A Beautiful Brokenness

 “We are born to love as we are born to die, and between the heartbeats of those two great mysteries lies all the tangled undergrowth of our tiny lives. There is nowhere to go but through. And so we walk on, lost, and lost again, in the mapless wilderness of love.”

-Tim Farrington, The Monk Downstairs

              I sometimes wonder why we and myself choose not to see some people in 3D – for the humans they are. As people who very much experience feelings and emotions such as longing, satisfaction, disappointment, and loneliness. 

            Sometimes I catch my sister staring out the window  while listening to a song on the radio and and I can't help but link this to how I think that the reason we identify with love songs and the like is proof that we are not the only ones out there feeling those very real emotions.  Perhaps we prefer to turn a blind eye because it makes it easier to justify ourselves.

            God, forgive me when I turn a blind eye in my selfishness and thank you for revealing to me the beautiful brokenness of people. By you we were made to be loved and hardening our hearts is a chosen state, just as how a blue jay is made to fly but chooses to land (Young, The Shack). I remember that we also respond to tenderness, warmth, affection, and understanding. God heal and rearrange me from the inside out. Darling Papa, please do me the honor of using me as a vessel of your healing love and kindness.

Lots of Love, Emma

“This is real love--not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.”

- 1 John 4:10 NLT