The People Who Listen Are The Ones That Glisten

"People talking without speaking, People hearing without listening, People writing songs that voices never share, and no one dare disturb the Sound of Silence"  ~Simon and Garfunkle

   
           Pushy people, that's an umbrella term to define several people but bear with me for a bit. Sure, you’ve probably met people like this: obnoxious, rude, and sometimes inconsiderate. Okay, but what happens when they zero in on you? All of a sudden, you should be doing/liking/watching/eating this and that. More often than not, they’re persistent and good at what they do, hence why your brain has tacked on a “Hello, my name is ‘Pushy’” sticker, to this person’s proverbial forehead.

             All things considered, as well meaning and loving towards you as they can sometimes be (there are people who do it because they love and care about you and there are also just people with personal agendas), often it's not a pleasant place to be 'trapped' in. (Gotcha!  **cue cackle)

I’ve been told that people are quick to point out and criticise the negative traits in others that they subconsciously wish to reject about themselves. This is called projection – according to Freud. Here's the thing, I can see the 'pusher' in me too, my opinion is not always the best one and even if it is, "Life is a long lesson in humility" (so the saying goes). This is why I'm talking about it; call it self reflection if you will.

 Anyways, what brought about this train of thought is a result of watching a brief talk given by Ernesto  Sirolli, who is a very successful entrepreneur on a site called TED TALKS. (I’ll post the video too. He’s pretty engaging). The biggest and baddest thing that stood out to me was something he said about forcing yourself on people. Here’s what he says:

“I was given a slap in the face when I read this book called Small is Beautiful by Schumacher, when he said that “Above all economic development, If people do not wish to be helped, leave them alone.”… The two principals that remain are Respect and Passion.”

He goes onto say that respect is leaving them to make their own decisions and passion, a much as you have it, the bottom line is that it is going to depend on the individual’s passion for their idea (or) to create some form of change. You can’t force a horse to drink if it doesn’t want to drink and the same goes for people in our everyday relationships.

In pseudo counselling listening exercises that I have taken part in, you MUST ask open questions and only that in order make sure you completely understand that it’s not you who makes the decision because the individual knows better than you (more often than not) about what they need. The questions just help them come to their own conclusions and bring out those subconscious needs.

So, tying it back to the ‘pushy’ people I was mentioning earlier, sometimes I think I have the answer to people’s problems, but ultimately, that doesn’t matter. The person has to want to help themselves first and if they want the help you offer, then great. I think that one must be wary of doling out unsolicited advice. I remind myself that I am not in the business of changing hearts, only God can do that.

           Ernesto said that “no one is completely successful on their own”, and that “planning is the kiss of death to entrepreneurship”. It can be the kiss of death to furthering your relationships as well if you’re not careful. It’s easier to run off on your mouth with all the things that you think they should do, or how you had that happen to in your life as well (insert long story about YOU, YOU, And YOU).

Active Listening is incredibly powerful, the proof is in the pudding (look at  how its is used  by psychologists, hairstylists, counsellors, social workers, mediators, lawyers, doctors – the list goes on).  When people started asking Ernesto how he became so successful, he said “I do something very, very difficult; I shut up and listen!”

      "Lord, the resurrection of Your Son has given us new life and renewed hope. Help us to live as new people in pursuit of the Christian ideal. Grant us wisdom to know what we must do, the will to want to do it, the courage to undertake it, the perseverance to continue to do it, and the strength to complete it." ~St Joseph People's Prayer Book

Lots of Love, Emma



Links

 Ten Tips to Effective Active Listening Skills to Improve your Relationship

http://powertochange.com/students/people/listen/

Here's the talk that Ernesto gave on TED TALKS. Enjoy!

http://www.ted.com/talks/ernesto_sirolli_want_to_help_someone_shut_up_and_listen.html